I've had the kind of crush where I'm always scanning the crowd for her. The kind of crush that makes my heart founder and my face flush when I see her walk into the room. If I talk to that kind of crush, I can barely meet her eyes. Even if we're good friends, I'm half-afraid the whole time that she might see how much i like her.
I've had the kind of crush that's mostly misery. Where I want him all the time, even when we're together, even when we're fucking, always wanting more. The kind of crush that makes me stalk his blog comments and google his name repeatedly. Those crushes have woken me in the night, heart racing, thinking I might have missed his call, as if that would be an irredeemable loss.
A few lucky times I've had the kind of crush that make the world brighter. When I think of her, I feel relief, like the sun's come out on a cool day. There's desire in there, but it's mixed with peace. See me smiling dreamily? She crossed my mind and there's nothing else I need to make this moment perfect.